so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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