It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
