I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
