He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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