You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
