what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
