My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
