I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
