she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
