why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
