Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
