are you still at the devil's house?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
