He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
