I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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