I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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