Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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