He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
