I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
