i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
