I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
as a side note pls kill me
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
