also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
