it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
