I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You were trust falling into bushes
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Shame is for Republicans.
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