Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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