a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
