Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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