You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
