Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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