Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
