Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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