we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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