he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
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