Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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