Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
