nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
