You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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