Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
