He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
