A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
