The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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