Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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