another moral hangover. fuck.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
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