You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
