You made me cry and you don't even care
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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