Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
