Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
