I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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