You smell like a Billy Joel song
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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