hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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