i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
