At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
