apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
