All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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