i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
