Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
